The Gendered Nature of Emotional Ambivalence Towards Coworkers and Its Relational Consequences

Coworkers are a source of mixed emotions yet research on emotional ambivalence—i.e., the co-existing and intertwining positive and negative feelings toward a subject—toward peers in work groups is scarce. We draw from the literature on competitive dynamics in peer relationships to explore how women and men’s emotional ambivalence is elicited by the presence of a “tall poppy,” a peer who disproportionately and visibly performs better relative to his or her peers. Informed by role congruity theory, we assert that men are socialized into peer relationships that embrace competition and camaraderie, so men tend to exhibit emotional ambivalence toward peers regardless of whether the focal coworker is a “tall poppy.” By contrast, women are socialized into a gender role that emphasizes harmony and equality so the presence of a “tall poppy” violates the female gender role, thereby eliciting more emotional ambivalence compared to when women work with equally matched peers. Experiencing emotional ambivalence then results in attempts to relationally distance oneself from the source of mixed emotions (e.g., ostracism, withdrawal). Two experimental studies—a behavioral laboratory study with students and an online experiment with working adults—both provided full support for these theorized relationships.